Whistleblower Mildred Mildew on the Royal Oaks Community Garden Scandal

Whistleblower Mildred Mildew on the Royal Oaks Community Garden Scandal


-Lately — I don’t need to
tell you that lately the news has been abuzz about
the whistleblowers who have come forward with
inside information about
President Trump. And here tonight is the original
anonymous whistleblower bravely addressing the public
for the first time. Please give a warm welcome
to Mildred Mildew, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ] -Hi! Hey! Hi! Oh, wow! Wow. Hi, Seth. -So, wait, now. You —
You are the whistleblower? -Absolutely.
-Okay. ‘Cause I only want to have you
on the show if you are. -I’m definitely
worth having on TV. -All right. Well, tell us
everything you know. -Okay. Well, I blew the whistle
because Megan, who’s in charge of crowning the community garden’s
monthly flower king, told me that my roses
were the most beautiful. But the next day, her
e-mail blast to the whole club said that Arthur’s
were the best! Which makes no sense, because — -Mildred?
-Seth? [ Laughter ] -I brought you here
to talk about Trump. -Oh! His rose garden is great, but I heard he doesn’t
even grow them himself. Just like Arthur.
That little rascal actually hired outside help
to tend to his flowers. -So you don’t know anything
about President Trump and his phone call with Ukraine? -Why would I know? -Well, you said you were
the whistleblower. -I am. I’m the whistleblower for the Royal Oaks
community garden scandal. -Well, then, you know, respectfully,
I’d like to wrap this up. I only want to talk with you
if you have dirt for me. -Oh, that’s exactly
what my cousin who works at the White House told me Trump said
on the Ukraine call. Speaking of sneaky phone calls,
when Megan dated Arthur — -Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
What did you say?! -My cousin
works for President Trump and listens to all his phone —
-No, no, no, no, no. Did you say Megan? As in the person
who decided the flower king? -Yes.
-Megan used to date Arthur? Who she named the winner? -For two whole years. -That is messed up!
-I know! -I mean, that is corrupt
to its core! -I’ve been saying! -I can’t believe no one else
said anything. What can we do about it?
Should we start a petition? What about a protest?
-Yes. I made a shirt! “Suck a tulip, Megan.” -This is big.

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