What not to do on Public Transport

What not to do on Public Transport


This video is the result of several weeks of pent up emotions Hi! So I’ve recently moved to London Where I’ve been living for a couple of months now, And as I’m someone who doesn’t own a car, I’ve been using a lot of public transport And there’s a couple of things I’d like to say Firstly, SCREW YOU OYSTER CARD I know that you’re really convenient, And everything’s my fault, but I’m gonna blame you. On the Subway in London, We have these things call “Oyster Cards” Which you basically just swipe you way through the gates, And this is where a lot of the problems occur. this is a very fast paced environment where about a billion people in suits are power walking towards those gates like
sperm and if you do anything wrong at that
moment if you stop to get your card out of your pocket or you put the wrong
ticket in the entire world ends I feel so sorry for any tourists that come to
London to get confused at those gates because if you spend more than two
seconds there you cause a freaking pile up and then the tutting begins
people just going *scoffs* unbelieveable and it’s all your fault you might as
well be Hitler because that’s how much everyone hates you right now but on a
really busy day it’s just the worst ever firstly the crowd is moving so fast that
half the time i miss my turning but nothing in the world is worse than that
moment when you realize the doors are about to close this happens on trains
and buses as well and it’s that moment when everything freezes it’s just you and the door and you just
have to make the call are you gonna go for it are you gonna go
for it which usually results in missing it by one second and having a group of
bratty children laugh at you through the window whilst you cough up your lungs
but once ok I actually made it well a piece of me
did I said before about the time when i tried to jump in and actually got my
head stuck between the doors but you don’t hear about that but you see unlike
train doors that are like and politely open again the underground
doors are like metal venus flytraps of death but I think in the list of awkward
moments of my life having a full train of people all staring at the absolute
twat that somehow managed to get his head stuck in the door that was pretty up there i swear
people are convinced that no matter how full the carriage might be there is
always room for one more person and so the old Asian lady who does not give a
shit crams herself into that space and I find myself getting probed twice
by a guy in a trench coat every time and that’s always the moment when
the gross person who definitely has sars and swine flu decides to sneeze on your
face no escape but it also doesn’t help that my
elbows seems to be perfect boob height for short females like you have no idea how
many accidental boob elbows I have committed and the ladies are often not impressed but sometimes it is a better alternative to sitting when you take a
seat and realize how ominously damp it feels and you really don’t want to know seriously it’s a hardcore environment if
you hear “we are sorry to announce that there are currently mild delays” people start going “ugh somewhere better have died
horribly I’m gonna to be late for my meeting now” and occasionally a station will be closed
which means that you have to get the bus now I’m not a bus person if you’re not familiar with where you’re
going or when you need to get off then going on the bus is one of the most
fucking terrifying experiences ever I see all these people getting straight
on with their secret golden bus passes of infinite bus and I’m just like um a
single to King’s Cross please and the driver looks at me like you have
no idea what the fuck you’re doing do you and I’m like *crying* no but i’d like to take this opportunity to
wish a fiery death upon the following people that kid who won’t stop pressing
the stop button I’m so funny, that guy at the back of the
bus who has the coolest music taste ever and wants everybody to hear it aw mate
this is a sick tune a sick tune yeah brap brap brap, that smelly guy who always
for some reason always sits next to you even though the entire bus is empty, hm
you look nice and the bus drivers who give you the look of death if you don’t
have the exact change or the ones that can definitely tell that you’re running
to get the bus and they drive away any way but talking of traumatic incidents
this actually happened to me last week ok i was on the bus and I was going
somewhere I’ve never been before I was freaking out because I didn’t know when
to push the stop button when I saw something that made me think I was there
so i push the stop button and then realized i was absolutely nowhere near
it now a normal person would just say oops
and stay on the bus I got off the bus that’s right i felt so
awkward that everyone heard the ding and I made the bus stop that I got off the bus when
I wasn’t there yet in fact I no idea where the fuck I was
and I actually ended up walking about two miles in the rain why did you make me this way but even walking is dangerous in London it’s
not getting hit by cars that you need to worry about it’s the bloody light speed
cyclist that just apperate behind the taxi about to walk past and then just go get out the way and you suddenly realize how
much of a ninja you are when you jump back so yeah those are a few things that I
now have to deal with on a daily basis or and the fact i fell up an escalator
yeah if you missed it i was running up the world’s tallest escalator with my
phone in one hand my headphones on and my back strap over my shoulder when I
tripped and fell up the escalator allowing 200 people that were moving
slowly in both directions to laugh at me yep it is actually left me with a nice
escalator print scar for the next couple months and there we go but enough about
my pain I want to know about yours what gets on your tits when you use
public transport, what horrifically awkward things have you experienced please feel free to unleash your rants
down in the comments or in a video response and no matter what day you’ve been
having we can all complain together so basically I should just get a car and
stop being a whiny bitch and now it’s time for the sexy end
screen dance the worst then best then worst 5 seconds of your life all right please give me a good thumbing
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