SOCIAL DYSPHORIA

SOCIAL DYSPHORIA


Hey guys, my lovely lovely little bees, [Laugh] Buzz, buzz. Okay How’s it going today? Good? Yeah. Today I want to talk to you about social dysphoria. That’s that topic we talk about often but I never really talk about it, so [umm] what is social dysphoria? First of all so- basically social dysphoria is [Umm] Being in society- being in a social environment. Going to school, family gatherings, Anything that’s really like, social. Going to clubs, anything like that and having dysphoria around that. Here’s the thing: a lot of people online who say that they don’t feel dysphoria, I think they’re talking about body dysphoria and I can understand not having body dysphoria. Be like, super comfortable with your body Cool. You do you you. Do whatever you need to do. But if somebody says that they want to transition and they don’t have body dysphoria, in my opinion, I think that they have social dysphoria. Because social dysphoria is when somebody in society misgenders you or says [Uhh] your birth name or refers to you in a feminine matter and something that you’re not comfortable with. That is dysphoria right there it’s uncomfortable- it’s distress and that’s what the definition of the word “dysphoria” [is] because think about: It’s gender dysphoria. That’s what we’re taught- that’s a diagnosis of you know.. Trans!! basically and.. transitioning. Whatever. [Umm] and… We have- we’re allowed to have social dysphoria as well. So I am remembering my old 15 year old self realizing i was trans I was a little conflicted because I liked my titties and I… didn’t want to shave my- [Incoherent stumbling] I didn’t want to NOT shave my armpits. And I liked shaving my legs and it was- it was- it was a strange place to be because Did I think those things because society made me? Probably or did I just really like those things? I think that I- I- I’m not gonna deny, I did like my titties. I’ve talked about this in the past in my videos before I went to surgery because it was one of the things i was super scared about I didn’t wanna lose nipple sensation which is why I [postponed] surgery for, you know, an extra year but I think that, when we talk about social dysphoria, that is something that I [sings] suffered frooom Since I was 15 because, I want people To see who I am. And they’re seeing someone else. And that is hard. And i think that a lot of people who don’t understand like pronouns and why respecting pronouns and names are important. Calling them a different name, like let’s say your dad’s name is Chad or something like that, and you start calling him Steve. Is that going to be comfortable for him? No! He’s gonna uncomfortable Who are you talking about? You
started using like-like “she/her” pronouns for him. Do you think he’s gonna be happy? No! and- sometimes people couldn’t understand. And they’re like “Oh I get it I get it’s uncomfortable when you’re called a pronoun that you don’t identify with, I get it.” Other people would be like [dumb voice] “Yeah but it’s not the same!” Whatever. Those people. But for so many years in- in- in high school in college and university, not being referred to as the person that I was was the hardest thing ever and… The social dysphoria that I had really helped me… Physically… transition… and deal with- with- with my- with my physical dysphoria. Which is a weird thing to say, but listen: I had social dysphoria. I didn’t like people seeing me a certain way, I wanted people to see how I imagined myself and how I knew I was supposed to be This pushed me to deal with my… physical dysphoria of not being on hormones. And they’re so interconnected that it was so important for me to go on hormones and it pushed me. The social dysphoria pushed me to go on testosterone and I’m so happy that it did and because of that I was able to start testosterone in 2010 and- and be more myself and finally look like the person I knew I was supposed to be for ever And once that change happened, the social dysphoria kind of slowly started to go away. And I made this video I’ve talked about this like three times on my channel and in panels that I do I always kind of talk about “what is dysphoria?” People try to always- [Let me] explain what is dysphoria? Well I imagine being in a cage and I see who I’m supposed to be on the other side. Every single step in my transition that I take, a bar gets taken away. So I’m able to walk through that cage one day and finally be that person. Well, every single thing that I did, every little change that happened during my hormone replacement therapy was another piece of the bar going away. Bars and then I could finally- So close to reaching that person. So going on testosterone relieved my social dysphoria. Which is funny because even though I’ve been on T for over seven years and I’ve had top surgery four years ago, I changed my name and gender marker three years ago, I still feel social dysphoria. And I think it’s more of- of- of an uncomfortable feeling around people and especially around cismen. Which I’m really trying not to conflate with social anxiety because I do have social anxiety. I know, I look like such a- like “ah!” person but I’m alone in my room right now with my camera and the two cats are on the bed. Like, this is my life. This is what i like to do, I like going outside. [If] there’s too much social interaction, I need to go home I need to not see people for a week So I’m trying not to conflate what I’m talking about right now with social anxiety. So the social dysphoria that I have is related to my transition because I am uncomfortable around cismen Because I don’t know how to react and I don’t know how to talk to people, and it is related to social anxiety obviously But, it is something that makes me very dysphoric because I feel like I can’t enter a space with a lot of cismen without feeling so left out. And maybe it’s not because I’m trans, maybe it’s because I’m more feminine and more flamboyant and I express myself, I talk about my emotions and I talk about things that…Cismen don’t talk about. I cry, I- Whatever. All of these things like “Not all Cis” I know, but you know what I’m saying. So for me it’s super important to be in line with myself and never change myself. So I don’t want to go into this space and change and that’s I feel what the issue is and The issue is that I’m finally comfortable of being myself yet I have to enter this space and change myself. And the changing of myself is the social dysphoria That’s not gonna happen because I have worked so hard for so long and so many years to be the person that I am, and I am so happy with the person that I am, and the things that I’ve done, and the way I look, and it just feels so good to be me. Don’t want, to have to flip that over, I don’t want to have to I- To go stealth and and hide myself because to me, for me personally (not all trans people are like this), but when I don’t tell people that I’m trans, I feel like I’m hiding a huge part of myself that’s super important to me because it’s so part of my identity, I identify so much with it. So when i was in Slovakia over Christmas over the holidays and I had to be stealth and not be out as trans to people, it was very hard and it’s- ironically enough it’s like they- They don’t know that I’m trans and that’s what makes me, like, give me social dysphoria. It was really weird. Anyways, Do you have social dysphoria? What is your definition of social dysphoria? Is this something that I’m missing? Did I talk too much about one thing and not the other? I want to know what you think in the comments below and I want us to have a discussion about this because it’s super important. Social dysphoria… Yeah, let me know what you think! I hope you have a great day! Thank you so much for joining me and I will see you later! Bye!!

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100 thoughts on “SOCIAL DYSPHORIA”

  • Hey Guys Im new and upcoming to Youtube and will be uploading a VIDEO on Sunday. If your into anything to do with LGBT,CHATTY THINGS, ADVICE CHANNEL,MAKE UP & FASHION give me a follow! And wait out for my first video on sunday! Also if their is any other upcoming youtubers like me feel free to message me to give me advice and chat!

  • About the shaving armpits thing: my dad, who is 100% cis, stereotypically masculine dude shaves his armpits so don't have any shame in that if you like to

  • My girlfriend didnt have body dysphoria until she started hormones. It makes me think that hormones might have something to do with body dysphoria (at least in the case of estrogen and Spiro)

  • im nb but a very fluid person and I feel a lot of social dysphoria when Im shopping clothes as Im not really finding anything that fits the image I have for myself in my head and the fact that there are people around me makes me feel like they all can see my discomfort and I also don't feel selfconfident enough to shop in the "mens" section and I guess theres nothing that actually fits my body especially because Im kinda pretty curvy and now Im sry for this rant but I can really understand social dysphoria as it triggers also so much body dysphoria inside me … and I get the thoughts about wether it's dysphoria or anxiety …. im so unsure about this all the time 😅😂

  • What I find the worst is that no one knows what gender I am and they say she and he and then kinda laugh about not being able tell. I laugh but I feel really uncomfortable about it.

  • This is an uncomfortable thing for me to talk about, but i really need answers.
    I am okay with being a girl. I like the pronouns and my feminity, but i don't want to have a vagina. I literally just want my lower body to look like a barbie. In a way, I'd like to be sexless (but with the tiddies.) I'm literally repulsed by my own genitals. I like to do things for my partner, but i really don't like it when they touch me. I hate my nether region. I feel uncomfortable and disgusting just thinking about it. When i shower, i still feel dirty.
    Is there a word for this?

  • yes all of this
    if you work in retail/sales and you have longtime customers, how do you deal with them calling you by the old name etc?

  • Social dysphoria for me is like when I'm half passing and I can't tell if when people look at me they see a guy or a girl. I shrivel up a lot around cis guys cause I'm gay and I'm have all these worries about dating pre-T and pre-surgery. When I don't bind I get cis guys looking at me more and I'm like thanks for looking at my tiddies. Then there's the issue with public bathrooms that give me so much anxiety I either avoid them or break down into tears inside them. My high voice is a problem too. I can do vocal exercises to deepen it but if I forget I have this high voice with gives me even more dysphoria.
    And I haven't started hormones because I have broken out in a skin rash and I'm not confident putting a gel on my skin.
    So, it's dysphoria all round. It actually went away when I got so stressed about things going on in my life but I don't want to go through that again.

  • Hugs for all my socially anxious trans too. It sucks so much to have social anxiety on top of social dysphoria.

  • After I came out as trans non-binary to a couple of my friends and told them the name I preferred whenever someone accidentally calls me my birth name I don't answer. It just flies over my head. I quite funny actually. t's been a year since I came out to a small bunch of my friends and so far only two of the people I told have called me my preferred name which is kind of heartbreaking and hard to deal with but what can ya do. Don't want to pressure and make people feel bad

  • My social dysphoria is so much worse than my body dysphoria! This video is so relevant to me right now and generally so important – thankyou for making this Chase, imma send this to all my friends so they can understand a little bit better! xx

  • Thanks for this video Chase! I've been saying this to people for years and it's good to know you're getting the word out to so many others 🙂 Social Dysphoria was the primary drive in me starting my physical transition, and it's awesome to hear you experienced that too! I relate to basically everything you've said in this video and that's so cool, because others I talk to don't always get it.

  • Hi Chase! I 100% agree with what you talked about in this video! I get the same exact feelings but around cis women too? It's really strange and it might have something to do with me being an introvert and having social anxiety, but for me, I'm a trans guy fyi, it sort of makes me feel better if people just know me as male and not trans..I guess it has something to do with the fact that I've been and still am growing up with transphobic people around me. Here's a story relating to this that happens to me all the time; I came out to my friends at the start of my freshmen year of high school as trans, FtM, and that was the best thing I've ever done! They call me by my preferred name and used he, him, his pronouns! ,,But as the year went on and people started talking to me more they'd ask my friends questions about me when I was right there. So here's an example, "What was her answer to number 7 on the test?" and this was fine but then my friend corrected the person,, which was great but whenever my friend said "It's he He's a boy." I'd start to feel extremely sick and like I was going to throw up..like I said this is most likely from the fact that I've been growing up around transphobic family members who have used some.. not so nice words about the trans community..I dunno I guess people not knowing I'm trans, besides my close friends and the people I trust, is more of a comfort factor to me…

  • This helped me so much, thank you. I've been feeling really conflicted lately because even though I find that my body has visual appeal, that's not how I want to be recognised. I don't hate my body, because I'm in a place where I can forgive the things I have no power to change just yet, and I know that I'm actively working on it, but the body that will most accurately reflect who I am and how I feel is a man's body.

  • Hi just wanna see if anyone else has this problem. I have a really sexist friend and he calls me she and its not just an accident its on purpose. I've asked him to call me he so many times but he deliberately goes out of his way to out me to people that don't know 😤😤😤

  • Hi Chase, I watched your Trans 101 videos and really appreciate you taking the time to educate those of us who genuinely want to better understand the transgender community. I learned so much, your realness and candid teaching style made it so relatable. Thank you so much!!!

  • I have a good social dysphoria story. In fact this happened a couple days ago. So I am still in middle school coming up on my teens, and I was so shook when someone said this to me. I was having a kinda joke conversation explaining to some people in my grade that I am trans and that I identify as a guys even tho society doesn’t give s*** what we say, and in this conversation one of the four girls at the table says to me… “I would like you…” I just kinda froze and tried to laugh it off, but I was and still am extremely uncomfortable around this person and I was confused and scared about not knowing whether it was a joke or what it meant. What really kinda shook me was that they said this in a weird kinda literal way like they actually meant it. Has anyone else had this kind of experience. I mean, I knew I would come too this kinda topic with people, but I never expected someone to say that to me when I told them that I identified as trans.

  • My body doesn't match my mind, but I'm flamboyant and love color. I don't fit the 'masculine' stereotype, so the whole social thing gets confusing. It feels safer to be in Indiana and look like a 'chapstick lesbian' than to be someone with a body that matches my mental identity but wears lots of color and moves their hands around a lot. Do you (Chase) have any videos talking about something similar? About inner struggles along these lines?

  • talking about how ppl without body dysphria say they don't have any and then turns out they have social dysphoria, i agree 100% and it's a shame that ppl are not aware of this and this is not discussed enough and leads to so many non productive arguments within the trans community, bc ppl just dont get the definitions right. there is something i was thinking about related to saying you dont have dysphoria when you actually do, just dont know it yet.
    how about a type of body dysphoria where you do not have dysphoria about your ladyparts: genitals and or breasts, but you have dysphoria on curves, for example, or on chin, or arms, on any other body parts? this can be taken as anything (as being not happy with body in general) but not always as a specifically gender related thing. in this case a person also says they don't have dysphoria, in their mind reducing body dysphoria to genital/breasts dysphoria – but they actually have body sysphoria to begin with, not mentioning the potential social one. and then they get superconfused and dont know how to move on with their trans experience, if they need to transition or not

  • I've got so much social dysforia and I'm afraid my doctor won't prescribe me T because it's really black and white in the system. -_-

  • Wow I think I actually understand this. Cuz like, I'm getting so confused about myself… I try to act like I got everything on tract but when I actually think about it I don't know. Because I'm on T and I love it. But sometimes I'm not huge fan of the body hair and I just, try so hard to fit in society?? I love make up and I wanna wear crop tops. But I don't want my chest showing or to be called a female. So I'm just really struggling. But watching this made me understand a little more

  • I remember when you talked about this a bit on the podcast and honestly I like this idea of opening up conversations about dysphoria. It wasn’t until you and Aaron started talking about it that I even realized there was many different facets to dysphoria. I think it’s important to open up conversations about this because people usually just think of things related to physical dysphoria when they think of dysphoria.

  • I think sometimes you can’t always tell when you’re feeling social dysphoria until after a while. I used to work at a call center and I’d have to introduce myself as my birth name and everyone on the phone misgendered me and same with everyone I worked with. I didn’t realize how numb I was or how much I hated it until my job was over (it was a seasonal thing). I don’t think I could ever work there full time after after my transition is complete no matter how could the money is.

  • I'm nonbinary, and social dysphoria is the only kind of dysphoria I experience. I get much more self conscious about how I present when I go out and what assumptions people are going to make about my gender, but when I'm on my own there isn't really much gender-wise that gets to me

  • my personal definition of social dysphoria is feeling the disconnect between how you want people to see you and how they actually see you (or how you think they see you)… like i want people to see me and not know what gender i am, but then I also don't want them to ask or guess what I am as I'm super awkward and introverted, I just want to be ambiguous without it being weird

  • I get what you mean by Social Dysphoria and Social Anxiety being different yet connected to one another. When I'm around cismen, I sometimes try to over compensate by acting more macho than the rest of them. I'll even go so far as to make fun of them. I feel so bad after interacting with cismen that I try to avoid it most of the time. It comes mostly from how I grew up around my dad and my brothers. I've always felt left out by the cismen in my life and I just don't know how to act around them. I've never had a good time being around large groups of people to begin with, but a lot of it stemmed from being uncomfortable with how they all saw me. Just once I'd like someone to see me as I see myself instead of me having to tell them who I am.

  • oh my goodddd this was so validating. I can't be friends with straight cis males because I feel the expectations they have of me so hard and I absolutely hate it, but I also hate social tension (shout out to anxiety) so I end up acquiescing and feeling not myself and resenting them. Especially because I'm nonbinary and I know that most people I interact with don't understand/respect my identity, it's so hard to overcome this social dysphoria and be completely out.

  • Hey Chase, not sure you'll ever see this, but I'd just like to thank you for everything you do. You can always make me laugh, and you've helped me sooo much. Like this video; it helped me realize I have social dysphoria. I'm still super confused about my identity, but videos like yours have really helped. Thank you.❤️🏳️‍🌈

  • I have a lot more social dysphoria than body dysphoria but I'm a wimp and also don't know what pronouns to use so… eh

  • Growing up as a super butch bi girl on the autism spectrum, I can totally get this. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until age 27. I also grew up in the SF Bay Area. So it was a pretty unique community. But I thought maybe I was trans for a while. And honestly, it’s still a question. Is it my ASD or my GBLT? Or maybe a bit of both?

  • I've literally forgotten I'm female before. When I get called "Ma'am" or "girl", it would be so jarring, it would throw me for a loop by reminding me of my assigned gender. Even once in high school, I sat on one side of a table with a bunch of boys and girls were parallel to us. Then I said, "All the boys are on one side!" And the kids laughed and reminded me I was a "girl". Is that social dysphoria?

  • This is extremely important information I believe this kind of stuff should be taught in schools if they have start having gender education as part of sex ed. I could have saved myself so much torment if there had been more information out there (beyond sensationalized headlines that gave a superficial view of trans people) when I was younger. I always thought of myself as a guy even if it was partially subconscious. I always had a masculine screen name or played male characters in video games and just let people assume I was a guy because it felt more accurate to my masculine personality. I always hated when they found out. I hated admitting I was "technically a girl" I always had to make excuses and explain that I was different because thinking of me as an average girl just felt like a lie. There's absolutely nothing feminine or girly about me and it just felt like it didn't describe my personality correctly. I thought this was just because I was a masculine person and didn't want feminine stereotypes apply to me. then I realize I never believed in gender stereotypes and knew that I could be the way I was even if I was a girl but still I always had a need to make excuses and say things like "it's technically true but I'm basically a guy". I had this image of me as a man in my head but I knew that no one could see it and it frustrated me that they would never understand. latter I also realize that I was still calling myself a girl even in my 30s because I would literally choke on the word "woman" in relation to me. so there had to be more to this than just being a tomboy but this was all still partially subconscious, I was ignoring it. I didn't know much about being transgender because it really wasn't talked about back then. I didn't even know trans men were a thing for most of my life and then I didn't think I could be trans because I didn't necessarily need a cis dick. but the feelings grew and it became more and more apparent something was wrong with me. I ended up thinking that I was just a freak that really wanted to be transgender because being a boy was cooler and it was insulting to real trans people who didn't have a choice because dysphoria made them need a transition and I just sort of vaguely wanted one. It kind of sent me to a dark place and I think if I had understood social dysphoria and that being transgender isn't all about surgeries I probably would have transitioned sooner and save myself about 10 years of depression and isolation.

  • I repressed a lot of feelings along so many years, and then i realized it was social dysphoria. It really sucks but at the same made me realize that I have to transition

  • Pre-t I never really had body dysphoria I instead had social dysphoria. My social dysphoria was primarily centered around not being able to/allowed to do something just because "I was a girl". I hated when my mom tried to call me a tom girl because I knew that Tom BOY was the closest to being a cis boy I could get. Once I started T the body dysphoria started. Now I only get S.D. when around my family because they refuse to use my name and pronouns.

  • I went to an art festival thing. I had fun, but, everyone kept calling my "lady". I felt so uncomfortable. Help

  • Oh god dude, I’m a trans dude too and I never even THOUGHT my fear around cis men might be dysphoria. I always thought it was me being petty or general anxiety, but this video made me so comfortable that someone else has that. Thank you again for making every day a little easier as a trans individual by talking about issues no one knows about, proud of you

  • Social dysphoria is extremely challenging for me as a nonbinary trans person. When I wear a dress I get called a girl and I am misgendered. When I dress masculine I get referred to still as feminine pronouns but people look at me weirder. It makes me not want to dress in stuff I like to try to not get called a girl. People always try to either put us nb people in a male or female box and it’s so damaging to me personally.

  • I'm on the autism spectrum so I had social anxiety in my wiring, but after three and a half years of transition (HRT included) I'm starting to notice social dysphoria around cis women. I mean, I was living in the charade of a guy for 33 years, having to endure being thought of as a guy, that I think like a guy, love like a guy, and so on.

    Women, as we do, tend to make assumptions about men and their intentions thanks to misogyny and sexual assault, and it hurt so much to know that any woman in my life — whether family member, friend, or acquaintance — had in the back of their minds that I was probably just as much a slave to my [assigned] gender as any other man.

    So now, after transition and trying fit in socially with other women, I still feel like those assumptions are still there, that these cis women think that somewhere in my being there’s a man’s agenda, or that they can’t talk about things around me (or with me) that are related to being female. The girl I currently live with goes out with other girlfriends on weekends, and she doesn’t invite me. Whether that has anything to do with how she may think about me it still feels like it does, like maybe she doesn’t see me as a “real woman” so I can’t hang out with her and her other friends.

    And, of course, there’s also the issue of me having not had a girlhood growing up, not being socialized that way, and missing out on a lot of social things that come with that. But I didn’t “hang out with the guys”, because the things they were often interested in doing made me uncomfortable. I only ever hung out with just one person at a time, someone who I did feel comfortable around. I never had a squad.

    But I kind of want that now. I have no BFFs at all. I want to be included. I might not understand a few things, but I’m ready to learn and ready to be “one of the girls”. But because of everything I’ve mentioned I don’t know what to do or how to feel, and I don’t want to guilt-trip anyone or impose on anyone just to be included. So, I tend to stay quiet. I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong in those spaces even though I know I should be.

    TERFs want to say that trans women just want to invade women’s spaces, but that’s so untrue. We just want to be seen, acknowledged, and included, and we have no desire to pressure anyone about it. Just see us. We are women, too. It may have taken some of us a long time to accept that, ourselves, but we’re not slaves to our old programming.

  • I get this. Im a lesbian and guys bully me and harass me saying im not gay i havent been with the right guy i dont look gay im too pretty and femini and insulting and i went through a fase i choppes my hair off and wore more masculine clothing and it wasnt me i found a in between for me. But seeing this video it totally makes sense.

  • I wish you could make more videos like this!!! and like tips on how to survive when you're pre-t. I look at you and I feel like there's hope for me, that one day I will be myself. but when I close the internet, and come back to the real world, it gets dark.

  • For the longest time I had no idea I was trans because I didn’t have body dysphoria (besides sometimes not liking my chest) and when I discovered what social dysphoria is everything clicked together

  • This video is so relatable that I literally said "yeah." out loud, to myself, in my room. I feel this way all the time. I have a mental image of myself and it's so uncomfortable when I'm confronted with someone who does not see me that way. I don't feel that bad about my body, but I feel bad about the way my body is perceived by others, y'know? When I look in the mirror, I see masculine, but when others look at me, they see feminine and they treat me accordingly. That's where the dysphoria happens, for me.

  • Is it body dysphoria when I want to not have as much fat on my thighs and calves because it gives me a feminine body? Because when I told my mom about it she said it was just hormones and all teen girls don't like their body at a point in their life. I have other negative thoughts about my body, but this situation in particular upset me. Kinda struggling here.

  • >purple hair
    >purple nails
    >purple background

    YOU ARE BECOMING ONE WITH YOUR WALLS

    . . . I'm sorry, I just find this amusing, I didn't get enough sleep, don't mind me hahaha

  • When i first heard the word dysphoria i didn't understand what it means. As what people mean by this word. It doesn't mean i feel comfortable in my body and socially. It's just i had no idea of transgender stuff. I've struggled most of my life, and didn't know what it is about, till i've finally found out the truth about myself. I can't even describe what a relief it was. Though i do keep wondering about transition, because i know i also don't feel comfortable around cis men. It wasnt always the case. I think it increased during my puberty, when i tried to make friends with em, and they had treated me like a woman, and occasionally had crush on me, or even feared and avoided me.
    I also am concerned about a man box i might be forced to fill into if i transition. As You say it would be like pretending again. Why do I have to keep bending myself and pretending if a transition should be the break free? I feel like I'm alone because noone really knows me, and it hurts, and for me is one of the most difficult things of being trans, and why would I want to still be that way when i transition?

  • Oh man I'm…transmasc (? Still trying to figure out what variety therein) and I used to think I didn't have social dysphoria but I def do, I've just been pushing my emotions down n away via dissociation for so long that I didn't know. Until recently, when I've been trying to have my emotions back and that came with sudden and surprising dysphoria when things were Wrong. It's weird but I…didn't know I had it, but I've always had it. I didn't used to cry about it, now I do. Such is life, I guess??

  • I couldn't have said it better. You totally hit the nail on the head. Thank you for taking time to explain this <3 I'm sure this resonates with a ton of people, myself included.

  • Thanks for sharing the thought about being uncomfortable entering spaces with a lot of cis men. I identify as genderqueer and as I become more comfortable with this identity I've been feeling less comfortable with "spaces for women" or events geeared toward women. Now it clicked for me that that's a part of social dysphoria

  • I think your social anxiety and social dysphoria go hand in hand. I’m cis with social anxiety and my partner is trans with social anxiety. Their dysphoria compounds their social anxiety and vice versa.

  • So you still feel social dysphoria after transitioning and successfully passing? Why should anyone transition if it doesn't fix your dysphoria?

    How is it that you are uncomfortable with cis men if you ARE a man? You should be more comfortable with them. Transitioning didn't fix this either.

    You also say in other videos that you still have body dysphoria. So basically you went and took hormones and had surgery and you STILL are not comfortable. Has it occurred to you that your discomfort will never go away and you have wasted time, money and are potentially doing damage to your body. When you are old, you will still have dysphoria and you will have medical problems associated with long term steroid use.

    Transitioning is supposed to fix all of this and it doesn't seem to be doing it. You are steering confused young people to changing their sex without any evidence that this will make a difference in their lives. Once the honeymoon period is over, it is back to the same old misery.

  • OH MY GOD I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT FOREVER. I really don't have a lot of physical dysphoria and I was like "oh I'm not trans I cant transition hormones aren't for me" but every time I get called Miss and young lady at work i just die a little inside like omg thank you for explaining this

  • I agree, I don't have body dysphoria and it only increases due to social dysphoria. My social dysphoria has it's ups and downs. Online, it is fine, but on phone calls and in person, I can't. No matter how hard I try, I seem like that I cannot pass on how I perceive myself from how I dress to almost looking male but my chubby "baby" face ruins it since I have a soft jaw like my dad and big eyes like my mom.
    It hurts hearing my birth name and being called with feminine words and pronouns. I cringe and my friends, I am trying to educate them that it does not matter about biological sex when it comes to gender, but they are all cis except for my significant other who is genderfluid.

  • I get social dysphoria over my pronouns but not my name. If someone I know knows about me being trans, I get uncomfortable when they say my birth name, but if its someone like my grandma who doesnt, I dont. I always get a little icky when someone uses she, especially if its someone who doesn't know me, but as someone who is pre-transition with very feminine features, its hard to avoid. Sometimes I'm competely fine and then someone calls me she and suddenly I'm hyper aware of all of my feminine body parts. I 100% agree that theyre interconnected.

  • I already knew about/agreed with all the points but I'm so glad you made this video! My social dysphoria keeps getting worse and worse and hearing someone else talk about it relaxes me

  • I think a reason why your videos feel so comforting to me is that I relate so much to when you talk about not feeling like your body is right. I've felt like that my whole life, like I was stuck in a cage and trying to get to the other side of it, just that for me it's not connected to gender I think. I've just always felt out of place in my body, like it doesn't look like who I feel I am. So I just basically wanted to say I appreciate your videos and how open you are to explaining things

  • I only recently started to realize that I might have social dysphoria. I’m nonbinary, but not many people know my new name or pronouns yet. Being called by the wrong name bothers me more than being called by the wrong pronouns, but neither of those things bothers me anywhere near as much as being seen only as female. I’m never mistaken for a man, I’m never seen as androgynous, I’m only seen as a woman. I hate that. No matter what I wear, no matter if I have my hair up or down, I’m somehow always seen as a woman and only a woman. I am not a woman, and being seen that way literally all the time makes me feel like I’m not valid, and like I’ll never be seen in a gender neutral way like I want. I just really want to be seen as a gender neutral person, called by the right name, referred to by the right pronouns, and then maybe I’ll feel better in social situations.

  • Before I watched this video, I never really thought I had dysphoria and couldn't relate, even though I do feel social dysphoria which leads to body dysphoria. I feel like this body is mine, and that my chest is just a little different, but after I came out, I became frustrated with the way I was being seen. True, I haven't been out for long, maybe for a year or so, idk what the common amount is, but I kept wanting to up my masculinity even though I like being feminine or having feminine features. I was fine by myself, I feel tall and strong and beautiful like a tiger lily in the morning. When I was around others, though, I wanted to be perceived so badly as he and him that I kept doing things that would increase my 'manliness'. I stopped wearing bows because that would make me look like a girl, I don't paint my nails anymore because that's something a girl would do, etc etc. This makes so much more sense now, and though I'm still struggling with it, this definitely makes it better knowing what the feeling is.

  • OMG thank you so much for this video I was so scared that I was taking advantage of the trans community bc I was like I can't be trans without intense body dysphoria. But the thing was I was scared of top surgery like you and I didn't really want to change my appearance completely I just wanted people to view me as the person I am. I've had horrible social dysphoria and this made sense it cleared up the fact that social dysphoria is a big part of it that I thought didn't count as dysphoria because I don't hate everything about my body.

  • Wow. I love how open and how real you are. I love how in tune with yourself you are. I’m not sure what’s up wit me. I know when I was 14 I developed issues with being called a girl and very much identified with male. That continued until I had my son. Now I seem to not care either way. I still don’t like being referred to as a girl but I do get random moments where I want to dress up like one. And have grown self conscious about the fact people think I’m a boy sometimes. I don’t know if it’s because my family criticizes me for it or what but I am no where near as in tune with me as you are with you. I really find you inspirational.

  • Would love to hang out with you!!! You seem like someone I’ve been trying to find in order to help accept myself, and it’s like I’ve found it in you! Yay! Ty. I’ve suffered from this for 29 years without having a clue.

  • I think I might know what is going on with me; but my dysphoria happens whenever I look in the mirror. I cannot stand “girly-ness” about myself. Thank goodness I have stayed at a junior size over the years; but some curve & small titties can’t be helped. I feel terrified of the women’s clothing section – except to grab some ‘sports wear’. Else wise, I shop junior/men’s or Amazon due to CPTSD. I do like dark, bold makeup. – it’s like my armor. Conundrum – I LOVE that my body can create & nourish little humans! So that part, scientifically, I’d never give up. I just feel like I’m in the middle of a car crash and I don’t which body parts to keep🤔 sometimes I just say “Im a pineapple 🍍. Because I’m prickly, odd & occasionally sweet.” 😊

  • f u c k.
    I get this like crazy. every time someone calls me ma'am or lady or she, i get a lil cRIngE feeling. but i dont have body dysphoria?
    am i looking too far into this? is it just because i hate my name? am i still cis? am i not cis? tf?

  • I have a lot more physical dysphoria than social dysphoria. My social dysphoria mainly comes from people refusing to believe that I'm trans. Then there's the weird thing I have that no matter how much surgery I have I will never be a 'proper' man. I look at my cis friends and wonder why they got to have male bodies and I didn't.

  • there are a lot of ppl who dont FULLY have social dysphoria bc they could be a demigirl or a feminine aligned agender person who is fine with their birthname and pronouns and body…. its not bad to love urself… and its not something u ALWAYS have to be diagnosed with

  • I think I am ftm (or maybe ftm non-binary) listen to what I have to say:
    I want to cut my hair short soooo bad and I dress boyish and I shop in the boys section when I was little I wore skirts and played typical girl things but there was a few boy things I did and when I got older I didn’t care what I looked like at all AT ALL 😂 but then I started caring what people thought and I became girly cause that’s how u get popular right? But now I’m trying to be more boyish and everything in the girls section is too girly and my name is Kenna but I really like the name Miles I wish it was my name and when I see girls I think oh she’s cute I wanna date her when I see guys most the time I think ughh I wishh I could be them 😭 but the only reason I’m not sure if I’m trans is because I don’t really hate my vagina sometimes I try to hide my chest but it’s not like I hate my chest but my grandma told me I will have big boobs cause my mom does then I got really mad and she told me how I’m such a pretty girl and i was sooo mad 😡 sometimes I don’t know if I’m trans or if I just don’t like stereotypes though

  • I have the worst social dysphoria. Most of the teachers at my school use she and girl and it causes pain, nervousness and it makes me tear up for some reason and it ruins my whole day.

  • okay thank you for this, i dont have a lot of discomfort with my chest (but I do with my voice and hips) but i have really bad social dysphoria and i dont like the fact people see me as a female, it makes me so uncomfortable and this really confirmed things for me and now i can hope i can get on T

  • Is it normal to have body dysphoria and little to no social dysphoria? I’m super uncomfortable with my chest and my figure/feminine facial features, but I couldn’t care less what people call me (he/she/they).

  • Oh, thank you Chase. I needed this video so bad.. Social dysphoria is my killer.. I've confined myself into my room bcz of this.. Now, I am more confident about doing HRT.
    (I have top dysphoria.. So, top surgery is a no brainer to me.. )

  • Ever since I was a boy I have always felt awkward and disconnected with my male friends. I never felt I belonged to their group when I am hanging out with them, well mainly because I have some attraction with them lol. It is still up to this day, I do not know how to interact with straight men. But on on the other hand I also am fine with my body, maybe I could have smoother skin and less body hair. But that's about it. What bothers me more is how people perceive me. Even when I was straight acting gay man, I still do not feel comfortable being labelled as he/him, it feels not the real me. On the other hand, I also do not feel fully as a woman whenever I crossdress as such. I am somewhere in between, happy with my body overall but not happy of how society sees me. I am confused lol

  • Omfg thank you for making this video! I recently discovered that I'm bigender and trans androgynous. It's been weird because I have not really felt any physical dysphoria. I went to the beach with a friend a few weeks ago (in a bikini not thinking anything about it until) guys at the beach were checking me out and i felt extremely uncomfortable and a bit pissed off and didn't know how to explain why. This what you just explained is why. I didn't really get it because I'm queer and experience attraction to guys, but it's because they were looking at me like a woman. I don't see myself as 50% guy and 50% girl I'm 100% both 100% of the time and that being unseen bothered me.

  • Your video is very old but I want to say thank you for this. Everything else I have read and watched focuses on physical dysphoria but for me it all starts with social dysphoria. I absolutely hate, to the point of feeling suicidal about it, when I go out in public and I can tell that no matter how masculine the clothes I am wearing, people will always see me as feminine and interact with a "girl" of their mind's making. People keep wanting me to be sweeter and softer and less blunt and participate in more feminine things; and when I try to do more masculine things, people gatekeep those spaces and treat me like a subpar guest. I didn't have body dysphoria until I realised that they're treating me weird and I feel like nobody ever sees the real me (or wants me unless I put on some fake feminine act) because to them, my body means I should be womanly. Since then I absolutely loathe the things about my body that give me away – my voice, my hips and the way I walk/move… and I can tell now even looking at photos of cis men, I'm starting to hate my genitals too, because I know that all someone has to do is see them and they'll automatically decide that not only am I not "man" enough, but I am womanly for having those bits. I really, really hate how cis people and cis concepts make me feel trapped and miserable in my body.

  • I always question myself, and it leads me to hate my body. I always think ‘im not a girl, but I don’t hate my body. Shouldn’t I?’ My social dysphoria is small, but it is slowly getting bigger, and now that classes are over, i’ve been lingering in thought. I don’t even know if I’m a boy or nb or something else, but it’s been driving me slowly insane. I need help. ;-; (thinking i’m bigender he/them)

  • Im currently figuring out if i am trans i have social dysphoria and i want my chest masculinised but looking at myself naked doesnt bother me can anyone relate cause im kinda struggling

  • Me: [[explaining to my therapist that I, as an enby, want to microdose T]] I'm not a man, but I'm hella not a woman, so I want to swing a bit in the direction that… hurts less?
    Therapist: But you said before that the "parts" you have don't bother you, so why change them?
    M: First of all, testosterone isn't going to make my boobs fall off. But if it did, I wouldn't really care anyway. I'm not bothered by my body, but I'm not attached to it either. I therefore have no reason not to change it if doing so would help with my social dysphoria.
    T: But you don't have dysphoria.
    M: Yes, I do? When I went to the renaissance faire last week, nine people called me "milady" and only three called me "milord" . I wasn't actively looking out for it. I just noticed . Because those nine times hurt .
    T: Well, it's not like you'll ever see those people again. Why does it matter?
    M: It matters because, I don't want to have to correct or ignore every stranger I ever meet. I want people to look at me and see me . And so long as I have a soft curvy face with zero beard and a voice that's higher than Pinkie Pie, they're not going to. Everyone's always going to assume female, and that sucks .
    T: So what you're saying is, you want to let other people define who you are.
    M: I know who I am. The problem is that nobody else does. I live in a world full of people who have no idea who I am, because I visually fit into a fecking box that says "she/her" in bright red letters.
    T: Why do they matter, though? If you know who you are, who cares what they think?

    Cue me leaving my session in tears, and coming home to watch this video on goddamn repeat. There's not enough accessible material acknowledging the existence of social dysphoria and the validity of physically transitioning in any way for people without massive body dysphoria.

  • Literally crying in bed right now. Thank you. I've identified as nonbinary for almost a year, but I've always struggled with my dysphoria. It started as just being like, "I know I'm not a girl but I'm not a boy either." (That's how a lot of my discovery went, finding labels and trying them on without question.) I struggle because I have a very feminine expression, that is a little androgynous. I like androgynous clothing but I've always fit under society's definition of "feminine," personality-wise. I felt like a trender for so long because every other nonbinary friend of mine has body dysphoria, and I just don't. It was the only definition of nonbinary I'd ever known. But after some extensive research, I finally encountered a video that explains just how I feel. I'm okay if someone I'm not out to uses she/her pronouns but if I'm out to someone if I hear them use she/her instead of they/them I get this really sharp and quick pang of like… "That's not me. I don't know who you're talking about. You're talking about me, but you're not talking about ~me~." It was so difficult for so long. But I finally understand, and I actually can not wait to talk to my friends about it.

  • Such a great video. I love how you connected them because they do come so hand in hand and social dysphoria isn’t seamed to be validated as much, but is just as uncomfortable