I am the very Model of a Modern Major General – Pirates of Penzance (1983)

I am the very Model of a Modern Major General – Pirates of Penzance (1983)


In. Out. Stop dinghy. Maidens! Maidens! Quietly, men, down. Men! What? Quiet! Come on.
Stay down. First-rate opportunity.
Now, to the port. You to the starboard.
No. I mean, the starboard.
You to the port. Stay, we must not
lose our senses Men who stick
at no offences Will anon be here Piracy their dreadful trade is Pray you get you,
hence, young ladies While the coast is clear No, we must not
lose our senses If they stick
at no offences We should not be here Piracy
their dreadful trade is Nice companions
for young ladies Let us… Each man to a woman. Man your women. Too late Too late Hello. Mmm. Here’s a first-rate
opportunity To get married with impunity And indulge in the felicity
of unbounded domesticity You shall
quickly be parsonified Conjugally matrimonified By a doctor of divinity
who is located
in this vicinity We have missed
our opportunity Of escaping with impunity So farewell to the felicity
of our maiden domesticity We shall
quickly be parsonified Conjugally matrimonified By a doctor of divinity
who is located
in this vicinity By a doctor of divinity,
who resides in this vicinity By a doctor, a doctor,
a doctor of divinity Of divinity Away! Hold it, you. Hold, monsters Ere your pirate
caravanserai Proceed against our will
to wed us all Just bear in mind
that we are wards
in Chancery And father
is a Major-General We’d better pause,
or danger may befall Their father
is a Major-General Yes, yes,
he is a Major-General Yes, yes,
I am a Major-General For he is
a Major-General He is! Hurrah for
the Major-General And it is,
it is a glorious thing To be a Major-General It is!
Hurrah for the Major-General Hurrah for the Major-General It’s the same as
the Pirate King tune! I am the very model
of a modern Major-General I’ve information vegetable,
animal, and mineral I know the kings of England,
and I quote
the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo,
in order categorical I’m very well acquainted,
too, with matters
mathematical I understand equations,
both the simple
and quadratical About binomial theorem
I’m teeming
with a lot o’ news Lot o’ news. Got it! With many cheerful facts
about the square
of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts
about the square
of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts
about the square
of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts
about the square
of the hypotenuse I’m very good at integral
and differential calculus I know the scientific names
of beings animalculous In short, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral I am the very model
of a modern Major-General In short, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral He is the very model
of a modern Major-General In fact, when I know
what is meant By “mamelon”
and “ravelin” When I can tell at sight A Mauser rifle
from a javelin When such affairs
as sorties and surprises
I’m more wary at And when I know precisely
what is meant
by “commissariat” When I have learnt
what progress has been made
in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics
than a novice in a nunnery In short,
when I’ve a smattering
of elemental strategy Strategy? Oh, my word.
That’s a hard one,
isn’t it? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. – Cup of tea.
– Allergy. Got it! You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never sat a gee You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never sat a gee You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never sat a gee You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never sat a gee For my military knowledge,
though I’m plucky
and adventury Has only been brought down
to the beginning
of the century But still, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral I am the very model
of a modern Major-General But still, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral He is the very model
of a modern Major-General Encore! Encore! Can you do it one more time?
Certainly. And can you do it
really fast? Watch this! In fact, when I know
what is meant
by “mamelon” and “ravelin” When I can tell at sight
a Mauser rifle
from a javelin When such affairs
as sorties and surprises
I’m more wary at And when I know precisely
what is meant
by “commissariat” When I have learnt
what progress has been made
in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics
than a novice in a nunnery In short,
when I’ve a smattering
of elemental strategy You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never round a horse You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never round a horse You’ll say a better
Major-General
has never round a horse For my military knowledge,
though I’m plucky
and adventury Has only been brought down
to the beginning
of the century But still, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral I am the very model
of a modern Major-General! But still, in matters
vegetable,
animal, and mineral He is the very model
of a modern Major-General Enough! He might sing
another encore. Well, now that
I’ve introduced myself. I should like to have
some idea
of what’s going on? Permit me,
I can explain
in two words.

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17 thoughts on “I am the very Model of a Modern Major General – Pirates of Penzance (1983)”

  • I would love ERB Of History, to try get someone to go as faster as that. Or maybe this classic shouldn’t be touched by modern day people

  • It took me a long time to realize that when he says "sat a gee" and then says "run a horse" that "gee" means horse.

  • I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
    I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
    From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; a
    I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
    I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
    About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
    I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
    I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
    1880 poster
    I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
    I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
    I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
    In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
    I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
    I know the croaking from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
    Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, (bothered for a rhyme)b
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
    Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
    And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: c
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
    In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
    When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, d
    When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
    And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
    When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
    When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –
    In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.e
    For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
    Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
    But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

  • I watched this dozens of times and it still blows me away. My God! And he did this live, on stage, in Central Park (NYC)!

  • [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General
    I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
    I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
    From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
    I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
    I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
    About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o' news
    (Oh a lot o news, a lot o news)
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

    [CHORUS]
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten-potenuse!

    [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
    I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General

    [CHORUS]
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

    [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc
    I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
    I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
    In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
    I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
    I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
    Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
    (Yo din afore, din afore. Ah)
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

    [CHORUS]
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-Pinafore!

    [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
    And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General

    [CHORUS]
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
    He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

    [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
    When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin
    When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
    And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
    When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
    When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
    In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
    (Oh strategy, strategy, fatage, matage, batage. Ah I have it)

    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

    [CHORUS]
    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee!

    [MAJOR-GENERAL]
    For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
    Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
    But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General

    [CHORUS]
    But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
    He is the very model of a modern Major-General!