Congress Holds First Public Impeachment Hearing in Over 20 Years

Congress Holds First Public Impeachment Hearing in Over 20 Years


-Let’s get to the news. Today was the first time
in over 20 years that Congress has held
a public impeachment hearing. And if this one is anything
like the last one, Trump will be impeached,
then be acquitted in the Senate, and then, in 20 years,
his wife will lose an election to some idiot. President Trump criticized
the use of outside counsel for questioning at today’s
impeachment hearing, saying, “I see they’re using lawyers that are television lawyers. They took some guys
off television.” Which is ironic,
because Trump would love to take one of his lawyers
off television. [ Cheers and applause ] [ As Trump ]
He’s on the TV again. [ Normal voice ] Democrats
brought in a lawyer to conduct questioning at today’s
impeachment hearing who previously prosecuted
the Mafia, financial crimes,
and insider trading. Said President Trump, “I knew I
knew that guy from somewhere. That’s the real
hat trick for me.” Republican representative
Devin Nunes, today, accused Democrats of conducting
a scorched-earth war on president Trump,
including trying to obtain nude pictures of him. Of course,
after today’s testimony, Trump’s just going to tweet
nude pictures of himself as a distraction. [ As Trump ] Witch-hunt.
Here’s me in the Playboy Grotto. [ Normal voice ] Adidas has
announced it will close a series of automated factories
in the U.S. and Germany, where it used robots
to make shoes, and will move manufacturing
to Asia, where it will use child robots. You know, with bows. A mother and daughter were
arrested in Dallas last week after getting caught at
the airport with 62 pounds of marijuana
in their checked luggage. Police became suspicious
when they saw a mother and daughter
voluntarily traveling together. And, finally, a new version of
the board game Candy Land has been released that features
edible chocolate game pieces. Said the 4-year-olds,
“No one’s what? I have no idea.”

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