Alice’s Restaurant Illustrated (Part 2)


Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin’
to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through
all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, And I walked up and said, He said, And I proceeded to tell him the
story of the Alice’s Restaurant Massacre, with full orchestration and five
part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome… – and he stopped me right there and said, And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W’s where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty
ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean ‘n’ ugly ‘n’ nasty ‘n’ horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, I said, “I didn’t get nothing,
I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage.” He said, And I said, “Littering.” And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, “And creating a nuisance.” And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said, and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words: I went over to the sargent, said, “Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
ask me if I’ve rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I’m sittin’ here on the bench, I mean I’m sittin here on the group W bench ’cause you want to know if I’m moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein’ a litterbug.” [Laughter] He looked at me and said, “Kid, we don’t like your kind, and we’re gonna send your fingerprints off to Washington.” And friends, somewhere in
Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I’m singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if you’re in a situation like
that there’s only one thing you can do, and that’s walk into the shrink wherever you are, just walk in say, and walk out. You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he’s really sick and they won’t take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they’re both faggots and they won’t take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Alice’s Restaurant and walking out. They may think it’s an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice’s Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it’s a movement. And that’s what it is,
The Alice’s Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it
the next time it come’s around on the guitar. With feeling. So we’ll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes. You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. Walk right in it’s around the back, just a half-a-mile from the railroad track. You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. That was horrible. [Laughter] If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. I’ve been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I’m not proud… or tired. So we’ll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling. We’re just waitin’ for it to come around is what we’re doing. All right now. You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. Excepting Alice! You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. Walk right in it’s around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track. You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. Da da da da da da da dum At Alice’s Restaurant! [Applause]

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